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Four Keys to Overcoming Your Nervousness Around Women

You feel the fear deep in your gut.

You know that even if you got your balls in gear and went for it, you wouldn't know what to say. You feel so nervous and fumbly that you would reject yourself if you were her. So you shy away from even approaching her in the first place.

Does this situation sound familiar? If so, keep reading.

The first thing for you to realize is that all guys get anxiety about approaching women. I know I certainly do.

But what separates you (and me) from the rest of the guys is...

What You Do About Your Fear.

Most guys let fear paralyze them... not just about chicks, but about other things in their life like their career... which is why, unfortunately, most guys will never find the success they want.

First, look at where your fear comes from. The problem is inside of you. It's not with the chicks.

If you're thinking about rejection, then that means you're making your approaches with a certain outcome in mind. (I'm just guessing, but I think if you're like most guys, your goal is getting chicks attracted to you so that you can get laid.)

Try this instead... approach without having any expectations. No goals.

Let me tell you about a problem I used to have. I'm inclined to be an introvert, as I discuss in my book ,

So to overcome my shyness, I would force myself to chat up everybody, no matter who they were... hot girls, ugly girls, fat girls, old people, men, people walking dogs, etc.

I would talk about neutral topics with them, nothing to do with picking up chicks.

The net result from all of that was I became really good at approaching people.

After that, however, I made a mistake. I said to myself, "Since I'm so good at approaching people and have become an outgoing person, why am I wasting time talking to anyone other than hot chicks?"

So then I limited the people I talked to... and my anxiety about talking to random women swept over me once again. It was as if I'd never had all that practice chatting up strangers in the first place.

At that point I realized it was because I was outcome-dependent. Because I had thoughts like "I'm going to try to lay this chick" in my mind... before I'd even opened my mouth to say "hi"... and so I would crash and burn. It sucked.

Here's something I want you to try. Whenever you go out, talk to three people, but do it just for practice. Don't do it for real.

Because it's just for practice, don't limit yourself to just talking to hot women. In general, I've found that elderly people (both males and females) and fat women are easy to talk to.

If it helps, set up a time limit for your practice interactions, like that you'll talk to the person for 30 seconds and then you'll get out of the conversation. (Say something like, "Well, I'm on my way to meeting a friend. Good chatting with you." And then walk away without making a big deal of it.)

Once you've done your practices and feel warmed up, then you can chat up hot chicks. Again though, do it without having any sort of sex-related outcome in mind.

For example, if a chick passes by you in a hallway, just say, "Hey, I need a quick female opinion on something." (Then ask about something that you genuinely want a female opinion on.)

Remember though: have no outcome in mind. So it doesn't matter if the chick responds rudely.

In fact, when you reach a point that you've chatted up lots of women, you'll find that eventually rude responses on their part mean nothing. You'll have an attitude of "ha, how original... I've had tons of women give me that exact same 'clever' rude comment."

I've been rejected hideously, time and time again. One chick screamed "Go away!" at me before I could even get out my initial sentence.

Another time I thought it was amusing when I approached a group of two girls, just for practice, and right after I said "hey," they both turned their backs on me in unison, as if they were synchronized dancers!

Now I just look back on all of that and laugh.

My point is that the more you approach, the more you'll reach a level where you notice that most people act in the same, predictable ways. It'll bore you rather than cause you anxiety.

Think of it as trying to build a house. You put down one brick at a time and cement it. Brick, cement. Brick, cement. It'll take a long time, but eventually, the walls will be up (which means you've finished the toughest part of the job).

To get a bit more psychological, there's really no such thing as "being nervous." You don't "get nervous," like it's some kind of flu virus that invades your body.

All feelings of nervousness come from within. You have a certain series of thought processes that you go through before you become nervous. You say things to yourself. (When you think thoughts like, "I would reject myself," it sets you up for failure!) You picture the chicks rejecting you. You feel tense in your body. And so on.

So what you can do to break this is to identify it for what it is.

Notice your negative thoughts and change them. Instead of thinking, "Oh my God, this chick is going to act like a bitch to me because I fumble my words"... think, "It's awesome that I'm making this approach, because if this chick rejects me, that means I've gotten her out of the way and I'm one step closer to finding my dream girl."

Notice where you feel tense in your body, and then let your muscles relax in those areas. For me, I feel tense in my jaw and face when I'm nervous. So when I relax my jaw and facial muscles, it alleviates a lot of my tension.

I'll wrap it up for you by concluding with this advice:

1) Be social for the sake of being social. Nothing else.

2) Remember that the only way to get over your fear is by doing the thing you fear. The more you do it, the easier it gets, because your attitude about the experiences will become, "Been there, done that, it's no big deal."

3) Recognize your bad thoughts and force yourself to replace them with good ones.

4) Ease the physical tension you have in your body when you feel nervous.

»»» Learn a girl-attracting success system that will have you easily drawing women toward you like a magnet. «««

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The Number One Secret Behind the Male's Body Language

You, too, can create that aura that makes you attractive to women.

Have you ever noticed the way your friends look when they're all nervous? They're looking down at the ground with their arms crossed, fidgeting, with their voices cracking and their eyes bugged out.

And when you give off that kind of body language yourself, women don't want to be around you.

Now, think about successful guys. They've got girls all over them and some great body language going on.

So, what's the number one secret between those high status guys and the low status guys? You've probably guessed it... the alpha males are relaxed and in control when it comes to social situations.

Make no mistake about it... relaxation is the most important mental state for you to be in.

With that in mind, here are some pointers for you to develop the mindset and body language of an alpha male (and by the way, if you think they're easy, you're right... you can make these changes as early as tonight and have even the hottest girls clamoring for your attention):

1. Don't allow yourself to feel worried. Just let your worries go, since you can't solve any problem by worrying. So suck it up, and quit thinking about what might go wrong. Just live life.

Now, I know what I just said is easier said than done (to use an old--but relevant in this case--cliche). You've spent your whole life up until now dwelling on thoughts that make you feel worried.

But what is this emotion we call "worry"? When you think about it, it's simply the fear of what might happen in the future. Essentially you're punishing yourself by feeling upset before anything bad has happened. It makes no logical sense to worry!

So the solution is to avoid contemplating your worrisome thoughts anymore. Identify them for what they are... toxic to your emotional state, and... let them go.

Simply not dwelling on negative outcomes that make you feel upset will reduce 90% of your worries.

2. A second strategy to relax is to breathe through your abdomen rather than your chest.

When you breathe, imagine that you're bringing air down to your stomach. Feel your belly rise and fall as you breathe.

3. Avoid nonverbal behaviors that are the opposite of relaxation:

- Raising your shoulders.
- Wrinkling your forehead.
- Fidgeting with your hands and/or legs.
- Tightening your facial muscles.

4. Relax all your muscles and slow down all of your movements a notch.

Alpha males generally move unhurriedly, as if they are in control of time itself. Beta males are nervous and make jerky movements. Imagine you are standing and walking through a swimming pool, where your movements are slow and fluid.

5. Relax your eyes and eyelids.

Beta males hold their eyelids wide open because they are so nervous. Their eyes dart all around. Instead let your eyelids rest. Look straight ahead. Only give things your attention if they interest you. While you're out and about, do the affirmation to yourself, "I am sexual, I am relaxed, and I am in control."

6. If someone wants your attention, move your head slowly.

A trait common to many beta males is being so eager to please that when someone calls their name, you see them spin their heads toward the person unnaturally fast

»»» Learn a girl-attracting success system that will have you easily drawing women toward you like a magnet. «««

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How To Make A Woman Trust You Completely

You see, for a woman to have sex with a guy, she must not only be attracted to him, but she must also trust him. Look at it like this:

1. Trust Without Attraction = "He's a great friend and I love him to death!" (Translation: "We'll NEVER have sex!")

2. Attraction Without Trust = "I'm not a loose woman. He'll have to wait before he gets any!"

However, if the woman has both attraction AND trust for the guy, she'll be literally begging you to take her home with you that night.

Let's take a typical scenario. Say it's coming up on 11 PM, and you've been with a woman since 6 that afternoon. As long as you've had good rapport with her and you've kept pushing the interaction forward, you can assume she's attracted to you.

And by the way, with a woman, you should always assume attraction until proven otherwise. Because the bottom line is that as long as you've got good body language, you've got a lot going on in your life, and you're witty and interesting, she WILL be attracted to you.

Now you need to build trust. By the time you finish this article, you'll know an easy, efficient way to do that.

And by the way, this is a one of the best-kept secrets of human persuasion. The most successful advertisers and salesmen to make billions use it, and now you'll be able to use it with women.

Have you ever noticed how ads will sometimes mention minor defects in the products? A famous example of this was the wildly success Volkswagen Beetle ads from 30 years ago that had the huge headline: "Lemon."

The point of the ad was that not all of their cars were perfect. VW took its quality inspections so seriously that it took note of even small weaknesses in the builds of its cars.

You see, if a person tells you something that's against his self-interest, you tend to trust him more. We all do. It's a fundamental trait of human psychology.

So when it comes to women, you should point out your minor flaws. Examples could be:
- "I have an ugly mole on my neck. Sometimes I feel self-conscious about it."
- "I had to give a speech last week and felt so nervous!"
- "I don't always floss my teeth even though I should."

Even if they're fake flaws, it doesn't necessarily matter. By pointing them out, you create a perception of honesty within the woman.

Because she believes the minor imperfections about you, she'll believe the MAJOR PERFECTIONS about you as well.

This means that, having both attraction for AND trust in you, later that night she could be breathlessly panting, "I've never done it with a guy this soon before!"

»»» Learn a girl-attracting success system that will have you easily drawing women toward you like a magnet. «««

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How to Start a Conversation With a Woman

Last week I had the easiest pick up and lay in my life, and it all started with me walking by a random girl and saying (using a clear, resonating voice and disinterested, but relaxed and sexual body language), "Hey."

She looked up, expecting me to say something interesting.

My follow-up was simply, "Do you know where the smoothie place is? I'm in the mood for a smoothie."

After that, she kept the conversation going. Simple, right?

Here was the key: I always made sure that she was reacting to me more than I was reacting to her.

When I first started speaking to her, I frankly couldn't care less about what she thought of me.

My mindset was, "I'm just going through my day. But hey, if some hot chick wants to earn my attention, that's cool. If not, I'm going to enjoy my day just the same."

I've coached a lot of guys, and the mistake I most often see a guy make when he opens a conversation with a girl is that he tries to get a response from her.

Maybe he tries too hard to make her laugh. Or he starts asking her weird questions that he shouldn't be interested in when speaking to a total stranger (e.g., "What's you major?" or "How has your day been today?")

This sets her up with a higher value than him.

You see, whenever you set a girl up with a higher value than you (like when you're trying to win her approval), this causes her to lose attraction for you.

In every conversation, there is always one person who is reacting more than the other. The person who reacts less (i.e., is the more relaxed of the two) is the more dominant, or alpha, person.

The person trying to win the other's approval is the one who's more attracted. So a girl will struggle to make small talk and keep the conversation going as long as your value is higher than hers.

Women are attracted to men who are a challenge for them. If at some point it becomes clear that you're trying to win her approval, then there's no longer a challenge for her and she loses interest.

Keep the alpha status and stay in control of the situation right from the beginning. Make sure to not ever react too much to what a girl says. Always remain more relaxed than her.

So the answer to the best way to begin a conversation with a woman is this: Don't try. Don't care what she thinks. Just say whatever you want.

»»» Learn a girl-attracting success system that will have you easily drawing women toward you like a magnet. «««

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